In this atypical story of family and culture, health, cult life, and her synesthetic discoveries, Tiana Kuo reveals the development of her identity and character through the adventure she imagined in her childhood dreams as compared to her aging reality. With the temporary absence of one of her parents and being an only child, she chases after the question “Why am I… me?” through her creative and whimsical childhood and continues to encounter the wonders of life as she negotiates her emotional challenges. Even though leaving the cult of the performing arts imprinted a motif of freedom in her and her parents, moving to another state set a stimulating challenge in the making of relationships and mental and physical health, and she eventually underwent an identity lost during the time of the pandemic, as she felt she belonged both somewhere and nowhere else. In her memoir, Tiana learns change is an unrecoverable element of life–never the same–which inspires her to take the time to write openly and authentically about what she knows, what she doesn’t, what perplexes her, and what inspires her. Spirited and strikingly heartrending, Kuo’s memoir is a combination of lyrical language and literal narrative. Her imagery is as vivid as it is abstract. There are moments when she grabs the readers and leaves them struggling with her same conflicts, and then there are other poignant moments when her diction transports her audience to a space where they are left with her devices, painting broad strokes of reality through her synesthetic mind.