(This story is available for free as a signup bonus for Vera Valentine's newsletter via her website) Hello, intrepid reader, and welcome! This batshit paranormal romance short story was inspired (aka protected by satire, don’t come for me!) by a real-life, overly-emphatic tweet by the Myrtle Beach Police Department about a real-life beached ship. Content Notes: This is an explicit story is intended for readers 18+ only, and contains mature themes, including significant magical dub-con/coercion, oral sex, anal penetration by objects (there’s a flared base, I’m not a monster), choking, gagging, unprotected sex, magical spit-as-lube, mockery/degradation, slight BDSM dynamics, hair-grasping, allusions to murder by drowning, a police officer MC, and…well, I don’t really know what a boat fucking someone would be. But, yanno, that’s in here. Obviously. We both know it’s why you’re here. As always, if I left anything out, please let me know! I’m here to give you the best stories I can, and that means properly informing my beloved readers. Just a reminder - please do not share, spread, or upload this story anywhere else. Thanks! Finally, while no combination of partners, sexualities, or gender identities ever needs a warning, consider this your official notice that this story is an M/M/NBi (non-binary) menage. Hope you enjoy it. ;)