COOL FOR THE SUMMER SERIES Welcome to Cool For The Summer… Picture this… it’s Miami, the sun is hot. The drinks are cold. And apparently the objects are…sentient. This summer, we’re taking questionable choices to an entirely new level with a collection of chaotic short stories featuring the things you absolutely, positively, should not be attracted to or keep around. Pool utilities. Household objects. Summer necessities. At this point, nothing is safe. Expect ridiculous situations, unhinged romance, horrors, and enough cringe to make you question every decision that led you here. Some things should stay inanimate. IN BLEND MY BONES Jay and her beloved conure, Milkshake, have just settled into a new apartment. Before they can kick back and enjoy a fun day by the pool, Milkshake mysteriously vanishes. Then a tropical storm takes over savagely, and Milkshake reappears—but this time, she isn’t the sweet little bird Jay remembers. Something has changed her. And Jay is about to find out just how HUNGRY her bird has become.

He’s Lightweight He’s Buoyant He’s perfectly inflatable and spherical And he’s slippery when wet. And he’s about to be really wet. Stefanie wasn’t expecting Benji, her beach ball from twenty years ago, to come ricocheting down from the closet fully sentient and full with nostalgia. But after growing incredibly annoyed from the heat, and lack of air Stefanie is left wondering is Benji really here or is this a figment from heat exhaustion?

Herman has spent every morning beneath Gracelyn’s hands. Her touch. Her attention. Her heat. He thought it meant something. Until she forced something inside him that didn’t fit, left him burning, and blamed him for the mess she made. Gracelyn has already forgotten. Herman hasn’t. And he’s about to teach her what happens when you leave something burning for too long. This is an Extreme Body Horror short told from the POV of a sentient toaster with an unhealthy obsession, a taste for revenge, and absolutely no concept of forgiveness. This is not a romance. It is, however, a love story according to Herman.

I didn't want to laundry. I didn't want to trek down three flights of stairs. It was hot, I was just dumped. But Rolland definitely made it hotter. I'll never look at a washing machine the same way after this.

One weekend that was supposed to be spent relaxing by the pool and taking care of her friend’s cat turns into a night spent with… Greg. He’s blue. He’s inflatable. He’s got a filthy mouth, an attitude problem, and absolutely no business being alive. Court knows she probably has a few questionable life choices to reevaluate after this weekend. Greg might just be her most questionable one yet.

She’s Hot She’s Flammable She’s got perfectly cast iron grates and a matching lid. And unlike most, she heats up real quickly for you. And Brandon is about to feel the burn. After being ignored by his wife Stefanie all morning, Brandon figures he’ll cook her a nice dinner on the brand new propane grill he just purchased. However, when he goes to start the grill and the shock of Gina being sentient wears off, she starts to entice him. Brandon tries to stay away from infidelity and stay committed to his marriage, but Gina is saying exactly what Brandon has been wanting to hear from Stefanie all morning. In this Bounce My Balls counterpart, this isn’t a love story, this is a burning at the stake and Gina’s kept recipes.

Miami is hot, but Slate is hotter. Vera decides to clean her apartment complex's pool, she finds it’s not the only thing that can get dirty. When Slate transforms into his human form, Vera finds herself questioning reality, especially when her boyfriend Julian shows up. When it was just getting hot and heated, Slate's jealousy and possessiveness turns it up a whole nother notch. Will they survive the heat or will they be sucked into Slate’s world permanently?

When the sun goes down and the pool lights blink awake, the residents of this complex know not to ask any questions. Except for the one woman who lights up every bulb on his strands. He’ll spark to life the second she’s near. He’ll turn the blue pool waters to crimson for her. His love shines brighter than any star in the night sky. Now that the summer is ending, Tosha spends her time remembering the questionable choices, the sparks that lit between them and the deadly secrets before Tucker must flicker out for the last time. This is an intentially cringy sentient object erotica with horror elements. Reader discretion is HIGHLY advised. Please check your Trigger Warnings.