“Why don’t you learn something proper first, boy?” Nope, that was not the first sentence I heard after my birth. That came later. I was born on 21st March 1982 in Landau, a city in the southeast of Germany. According to corresponding statements from several family members, a return was demanded due to the constant and enormous noise level radiating from this little ‘bundle of joy’. “Mommy, can’t we give him back and get a puppy instead?” Thankfully, shop policy states: No returns! Thus, a happy childhood ensued followed by turbulent teenage years. Of course, I won’t spill all the details here. For one, that would ruin the arc of suspense. Also, there wouldn’t be much left for my memoirs. more: www.andreassuchanek.de (German & English)