In the proud tradition of "A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay" and "Taken by the T-Rex," a secular holiday story from Brad Vance! Campbell is home for the holidays in dreary Dustbin, Texas. Even a good parking spot is a freakin’ “Christmas Miracle” to his family, and his secular gay ass is dying to get away from it all. Then the Flying Spaghetti Monster appears, and spirits him off for a long session of hot spaghetti and meatballs sexin’. But the FSM has a Hidden Agenda! He doesn’t just want Campbell’s body – His Noodliness needs Campbell’s help to perform the Ultimate Holiday Miracle!