In a world where ZOMBIES control banks and governments, only one young man sees the way things are and emerges from the CHAOS and destruction: GUY BOY MAN. While he tries to end human suffering worldwide and in his high school, Guy Boy Man meets a cute PINK-HAIRED girl named BABYDOLL15 who has a UNICORN that follows her everywhere. An EPIC ROMANCE begins, but forces BEYOND THEIR CONTROL are intent on keeping the young couple apart. One of those FORCES may—or may not be!—Guy Boy Man's closest friend, a handsome African-American NINJA named SWEETIE HONEY; another could be four EXOTICALLY BEAUTIFUL, genetically engineered and behaviorally modified EASTERN EUROPEAN GIRLS; yet another, the principal of their HIGH SCHOOL . . . not to mention an impending standardized test known as the ZOMBIE ACCEPTANCE TEST! Will Guy Boy Man find a way to be with Baby Doll15 in a WORLD WHERE EVERYONE IS DOOMED to become either zombies or zombie food !! Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies is part Napoleon Dynamite, part The Matrix, and ALL AWESOME. It's the first book in the How To End Human Suffering series.

In a perfect world where everyone destroys everything and eats human flesh, one zombie has had enough: BUCK BURGER! When he rebels at the natural disorder, his marriage starts deteriorating and a doctor prescribes him an anti-depressant. When Buck meets a beautiful, green-haired pharmacist fairy named FAIRY\26, he quickly becomes a pawn in a Cold War between zombies and supernatural creatures. As Fairy\26 flies him between her tree-branch apartment in Fairyland and an aircraft-carrier pirate ship in a zombie-infested dystopia, Buck Burger struggles to make sense of it all and remain faithful to his overbearing wife. Does sixteen-year-old spiritual leader and pirate GUY BOY MAN make an appearance? Of course! Are there mind-controlling albinos? Obviously! Is there hot zombie-on-fairy action? Maybe! WHY AREN'T YOU READING THIS YET?!