My emotions act chaotically in a drunken dance of rage, love, hatred, fear, and anxiety that often leads to confusion and delusion. Some moments I feel as though I’m invincible, almost god-like. Other times, I’m helpless, pathetic, scarcely able to do the bare minimum life requires. Thoughts fly quickly at times—an overwhelming onslaught of creative imagination, nonsensical concepts, and the energy to attempt them all. Inside my mind a war rages—sane battles the insane, mental mortars explode, leaving me lost in a fog. The dust never settles, always lingering, causing me to stumble with arms out, hoping to find a path that may lead out of the disaster. Maybe I’ve found that path. Maybe I haven’t. Maybe you, dear reader, can help me decide if I’ve made any progress in that direction. I can only promise the effort to understand myself via this memoir is sincere. My historical shadows, ghosts, and skeletons are here for you to feast upon. Have you taken a look inside? A look at yourself, inside your inner mind, and wondered why your thoughts are scattered, like nothing fucking matters? I don’t know about you, but questions similar to these are at the heart of my life. Join me on a journey to some of the farthest, darkest memories my mind contains. I bare my soul for you, the reader.