Hi, my name is Demitri Edward Stefan William Mitchell, and I’m a vampire. I also happen to be addicted to blood, and have a history of being addicted to amphetamines as well as most mainline narcotics (it was the 80’s.) Some people would say that I have a sex-addiction, but I think all those years of casual sex and prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for blood; it’s the chicken or the egg, to be honest. You probably wouldn’t like me if you’d met me, most people don’t. And it’s not because I’m a vampire – it’s mostly because, for the better part of my life, I’ve lacked any sense of remorse. I’m also known for being very self-absorbed. But I want to tell you all about my journey; it’s a story of love, of self-expression, romance, desire, and my quest to avoid it all. This is the brief and vulgar tale of how I was a brooding teenage vampire. SPOILER it doesn’t end with a Happily Ever After.