Aussie Madeline Wolfe has left her home, her surfboard and her hemisphere for the new man in her life. Alexander Drake, indisputed King of the TV jungle, gives the best cunnilingus this side of a detachable shower nozzle. He's also the kind of bloke who goes through the Tunnel of Love holding his own hand. By the time Maddy discovers that it's not just Alex's feet but his entire body that's made of clay, she's taken a pregnancy test . . . and failed. Will Alex chicken out of his obligation to his egg? 'Screamingly funny' Jilly Cooper 'Buy this book' Sue Townsend

Every woman wants to be wanted…but just not by the entire Metropolitan police force. Maddy Wolfe's first day out with her newborn takes a Kafkaesque turn when she's wrongfully arrested in Harrods for shoplifting. The only person she can turn to is her hot-to-trot ex-lover Alex, who proves himself as useful as a solar-powered vibrator on a rainy day. When will he realize that a paternity suit is not the latest look in men’s leisureware? How do you brief a lawyer with a heat-seeking penis that doesn’t report to mission control? And why the hell is Maddy’s friend Gillian searching for a sperm happy to get egg all over its face?