'Eff my life. Don't mafiosos deserve a break? Xander Gataki: My cousins, the Gatakis, mean everything. I live for them. I kill for them. But sometimes, even the toughest gangster in the world needs a vacation. I let my cousin plan my weeklong holiday. Because who has time to plan this themselves? She thought it hilarious to set me up with a girl who fantasizes about having a Mafia boyfriend. Wtaf? This life isn't pretty. It's not fun and glamorous. If she thinks that, then she's far too innocent and naïve for a man like me. Before I could tell my cousin to take a long walk off a short cliff, she sends me Adora's picture. She's so pretty and sweet-looking; she could be my cotton candy. All I want is for her to melt in my mouth. But it's the twinkle in her eye that has me clicking—yes. This girl is not all innocent. She's up to something. What is it? It doesn't matter—she's mine. She wants a Mafia boyfriend. I'll show her I'm not a boy and that I have no intention—zero—of being friends.