Psst! Can I tell you a secret? Midlife is a c-r-a-z-y ride. Not what I expected at all. But, I’m having a ton of fun in between the…you know…near death experiences and bladder-testing moments of complete terror. Curse, curse, swear! How did midlife get so out of control? All I wanted was to make my own mark on the world. Start my own business and celebrate the end of an uninspiring marriage. Instead, I have a bat in my belfry. Not a metaphor…a REAL bat. The woods in my back yard is full of something dark from my nightmares. I’ve got a mysterious and sexy neighbor who seems to appear out of nowhere and knows more about my life than he should. And my best friends? Yeah, they’re witches. What the..? My life has become a carnival and I’m sitting at the OhMyGoddessNo! spot on the most heart-stopping roller coaster. Things are getting hairier than my chin. And midlife is definitely not shaping up to be the calm and graceful phase I’d been expecting. But, I’ve got a good grip on my granny panties and I’m taking the ride. What could possibly go wrong?

’m discovering that glossing over that whole “epicenter of a magical vortex” thing when I took this Lares job was a mistake. Looking back, that now seems like important information. Whoever said midlife was a time for reflection and relaxation clearly wasn’t an ancient guardian deity. I’d just started to think I was getting a handle on this whole Lares thing, and then the earth decided to open up into a giant, fiery hole of evil nastiness. Talk about your hot flashes! Add in a deadly new ally, a magical weapon I’m pretty sure I’ll never get the hang of, and being forced to play “Where’s the Voodoo Queen” while trying to deal with everything else…well…let’s just say that crepey skin is probably the least of my worries.