Smokin’ Privates: a full length comedic play. Army Basic Training: it’s like rehab where the patients get paid. No booze, no cigarettes, no cookies, no pie, no shenanigans with the ladies. Just pushups, running, shooting guns, and order and discipline…lots of order and discipline. Who wouldn’t love it? Scotty Willis wouldn’t love it. But you will. From the moment the drill sergeants explode onto the stage, Scotty knows that he has made a poor life choice. When the recruiter talked about “a motivating atmosphere” he really meant a place with lots of yelling and screaming with a never-ending slog of physical pain just to spice everything up. “0500” does not mean 500 hundred o’clock, which should be pretty late in the day, but five in the morning which is very early in the day. Marching is hard because he has no rhythm. Pushups are even harder because Scotty is not what you would call a physical kind of guy. Shooting guns is almost impossible since loud noises terrify him. Unfortunately for Scotty the only thing that his drill sergeant hates more than an Islamic fundamentalist is a weak and feeble private. Privates don’t come any weaker or feebler than Scotty Willis. It’s going to be a very long nine weeks. PROUCTION NOTES: Smokin’ Privates is a two act comedic play that runs approximately 90 minutes (not including an intermission). AUDIENCE: PG rated. Suitable for high school and up. SET: Minimal. Consists of a couple of benches rearranged to suggest different locations. CAST: 6 actors (4M, 2F). Cast age range is 18-45. SCOTTY WILLIS, 25-35, a smart aleck basic training recruit DRILL SERGEANT MORRIS, 35-45, a man who has seen it all and is not impressed GRUDOWSKI, 20-30, a private hell bent on avenging her brother THOMPSON, 20-30, he may have been more comfortable living in the time of the Vikings PUDDING, 18-25, a private who is trying hard not to be the fat kid stereotype DRILL SERGEANT FRANKS, 30-40, a female drill sergeant that would make a horrible mother