I grew up during my early years being told and feeling that something was wrong with me. Into my teens I became aware that something was wrong with my family. Into my 20’s {forever referred to as the good old days} I was unaware, just living life like a human flame thrower. In my 30’s I became aware as stress, failure, accomplishment and depression took hold. I grew up searching for a healthy manhood role model in an attempt to raise myself and promising not to pass on my up bringing to others. When that is your saving grace used as a survival tool for many years and then you cannot follow through on the promise to yourself, it is devastating. It’s a condition by which you judge yourself. It’s a condition you cannot meet. What if you cannot stop the cycle that you promised yourself you would?