THINGS I’VE WRITTEN: A Novel Five Screenplays Short Stories Poems Grocery Lists Other People’s Bios (because apparently this is what friends think a writer does) PLACES I’VE VISITED: 48 of the 50 United States (meaning not Hawaii or Alaska, since they’re considerably less “united") Canada and the Bahamas. PEOPLE I LIKE: You, and most of your friends PEOPLE I HATE: Any social group that has enough political power to ruin me just for saying I hate them FAVORITE TV CHARACTER: Deborah F***ing Morgan! (among many others, but that one is just super F***ing fun to say!) CHILDHOOD WORK RESUME: Zookeeper/Monkey Trainer/Alligator Wrestler/Goat Herder age 5-35 (my family owned a zoo) DIET: Vegan (which means non-vegans think I eat salad)