Sweden, land of elks, modular furniture and upper-lip tobacco, has a strange quirk—its love for using English in its advertising, written with no helpfrom native speakers. This freshly-arrived Irish immigrant’s natural reaction was to collect as many examples of this terrible yet hilarious English ad copy as possible. Presented here, with the question: CAN YOU ENGLISH? Paddy Kelly, born in Ireland, escaped to Sweden to avoid being a farmer. A longtime writer, published in places ranging from The Irish Times, and The Local Sweden to Analog Science Fiction, he now works with coding and innovation. Among his hobbies are belly dance, board gaming, and, perhaps ironically, farming.