What is the secret of happiness? Can the laws of attraction help you to cheat death? What's the best way to get rich during the zombie apocalypse? How do you fix your life with nothing but a spork and a DVD box set of “Charles in Charge”? Why do you see evil clowns every time you close your eyes? These are just some of the questions this book won't answer for you. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TIP YOUR NINJA contains 99 absurd maxims that will change your life forever, or at least make you chortle. Here's a tasty sampling: "The pen is mightier than the sword, if you know where to poke it." "The best part about being in a pickle is eating your way out." "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. But leave the mimes outside in the cold where they belong." Praise for Jeremy C. Shipp: "I'm convinced Jeremy Shipp is a little bit crazy, in the best possible way." —Jeff VanderMeer, author of City of Saints & Madmen "Jeremy Shipp is a very good drug." —John Skipp, author of The Emerald Burrito of Oz "Two thumbs up!" —Midwest Book Review—Jeremy C. Shipp is the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Cursed, Vacation, and Sheep and Wolves. Jeremy enjoys living in a moderately haunted Victorian farmhouse called Rose Cottage. He lives there with his wife, Lisa, a couple of pygmy tigers, and a legion of yard gnomes. The gnomes like him. The clowns living in his attic—not so much. His online home is www.jeremycshipp.com.