I hit on her first. Realized she was my best friend Finn's little sister second. And got a bloody nose third—compliments of Finn after he watched me nearly score with the new underclassman. After all I did have a reputation on campus, word on the street was that a girl could orgasm within one minute just watching me eat Lucky Charms. You can't make this stuff up—even though it was at least four minutes and included outside circumstances. Ahem, I digress. Point is, not only did I earn the attention of the worst sort of girl for me—my best friend's only sibling—but now she's out to seduce me. Me! One of the most famous Pleasure Ponies of them all! I can't shower—she follows me to the bathroom. Literally. I can't sleep—Lucky me, she lives in the same dorm. And I can't focus on anything except for her taunting eyes every single time something goes her way. I want her, but I don't want her to know I want her, and I definitely don't want to die before graduation, which is looking more and more likely considering we can't keep our hands off each other. Something's gotta give, and I have an inkling I should probably start writing my eulogy now because that something is probably going to be me.