Joel: How exactly do you tell a woman you’ve just met that you’re Dracula? It sounds insane. Obviously, the legends are garbage, but overcoming them is an obstacle I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with for centuries. How could I have known I’d meet my soulmate at a grocery store just weeks after inheriting my title? But there she was, and my life would never be the same. Now I just need to convince her that I’m not insane. Tessa: I never thought I’d meet the man of my dreams while wearing my pajamas. At Walmart. At three a.m. In the ice cream aisle. But, as they say, God works in mysterious ways. This man is everything. He’s gorgeous and smart and funny...and he says he’s Dracula. That’s crazy, right? I can’t date an insane person. He’s obviously living in some delusional fantasy world. Or, worse, if it is true, and he is a vampire, do I really want to spend the rest of eternity with this haircut?