Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income?
- More than $50,000.
- Less than $50,000.
- However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
- Less than $10,000.
- More than $10,000.
- Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio?
- Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.
- Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.
- My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
- The amount of return.
- The degree of risk.
- The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement?
- Savings.
- Social security.
- Sale of kidneys. —from the “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.
Author
Dave Barry is a humor writer. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened. Dave has also written many books, virtually none of which contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave. Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll. In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets. Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.
