December – Honestly, I thought by my thirty-third Christmas on this Earth, I’d be married and have at least one kid. But no. Still single. Hell, still a virgin. F-ing pathetic. I hate my job. I hate my roommate. Sometimes, I even hate my cat. About the only person, place or thing I don’t hate, is Cody Dear. Too bad he’s ten years younger than me. He thinks he’s gonna rush in and sweep me off my feet, but I’m too damn old and too damn heavy for him to take me anywhere. I know I shouldn’t encourage his attention, but he’s the only one giving me any, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep him at arm’s length. Cody – I’m in love with an angel. Okay, so she’s not actually an angel, she just plays one at the mall. But damn, she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Too bad she can’t see it herself. I’ve been pursuing her for weeks and she keeps batting away my advances. But she underestimates my tenacity, and my adoration for her. This Christmas, I’m going to get my girl and there’s nothing she can say or do to push me away.