Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter. Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream. How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start. Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

Here’s what you, the brave reader, need to know. Fire Down Below has a sequel. I know; everyone’s super surprised that Amazon allowed me to keep the poop-your-pants book up all this time. In Fire in the Hole, Dove’s sausage-loving neighbor has realized he’s wildly in love with her lurchingly awkward butt. Johnson is the pharmacist of her dreams until he tells her over Twitter—goddamnit—that he has plans with an ex-girlfriend. Duke scrapes Dove off her apartment floor and takes her to his cousin’s wedding. As Pissboy and Cross-eyed Knockers tie the knot, Duke could just kick himself in the balls when he sees Johnson and Beth at the same venue driving Dove insane with jealousy. Will Dove give up everything, even her self-esteem, to get Johnson’s johnson between her legs? Or will the scent of spiced meat inspire Dove to rip off Duke’s sausage-and-egg underwear forever? Yup. I can publish this. No law against it… yet. Praise: “Reading this book will give you haemorrhoids.” ~EL James, #1 NTY Bestseller “Please take this garbage and shove it up the hole before it catches fire. Possibly the worst book ever.” ~Joy Fulcher, Amazon Best Selling Author “Good God. Not again.” ~Tijan NYT Bestseller (who allows payments for friendship) “Last book came with maxi pads. What's next? An industrial-sized tub of Vagisil?” ~Tina Reber, NYT Bestseller “I think I'd rather read a bowl of alphabet soup." ~Elle Jefferson, Queen Unicorn "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ... why did I agree to read this again?” ~Mary Elizabeth, Mother of Dragons “Wait... what? Again? Does she own stock in those protective pads?” ~Nancee Cain, Amazing Author “Hang on to your vagina (or mine), Debra Anastasia is writing another sick piece of sh\*t? WHY????” ~Ana, Ana's Attic Book Blog “Debra slapped me with her lady lips, pinned me down with her bosom, shoved my face against her hairy legs and threatened me to write this review...it's "great.” ~Meghan Quinn, Queen of the Obscene “Takes an asshole to recognize a crap story.” ~Season Vining, Amazing Author “I thought seeing the search results for 'Blue Waffle' was the most traumatic experience I'd ever suffered. But no. This book was far worse.” ~Cora Brent, NYT Bestseller “This book had my anus puckering in fear!” ~Anne Mercier, Amazon Bestselling Author “Debra broke the hole code! What happens in the hole is supposed to stay in the hole!” ~Rochelle Paige, Amazon Bestseller “Are you kidding me? My eyes only just stopped bleeding from the last one!” Nicki Elson, Author of Romantic Things “Have the brain bleach on standby!” Carol Oates, Amazon Minor Category Bestseller (but major talent!) “Still no.” Jamie McGuire, #1 NYT Bestseller "I was an innocent person, then Debra Anastasia happened." King Midian "I thought Debra Anastasia was dead." Angie Lynch, CEO and President of Shameless Book Club "So...has to be related to Fire in the Hole or should I say fart?!" ~Pepper Mint, Reader “This book makes a case of genital warts seem like winning the lottery.” Helena Hunting, NYT Bestseller "This is worse than Godfather III!" ~Daisy Prescott, USA Today Bestseller “This book is unforgettable, unless you pay for a lobotomy and three rounds of shock therapy like I did.” ~Katherine Stevens, Amazing Author "Debra Anastasia's work is consistent... consistently bad.