Part of Series
**This was previously published in the Jingle My Balls Anthology. This version has bonus content!*** Click to send… and I’m outta here. Being the infamous fairy tale ‘Jack’ isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. My entire life has been a series of memes—before they were even invented! My current ‘Jack’ title is companion to the Ice Queen—who spent the first couple of years singing that song—but my sentence here is almost over. I’m going to make a run for it to retire with my shaker of salt on an island in the Caribbean while I drink piña coladas. Before I leave, I realize my heart wasn’t as frozen as I thought and I have to save Queenie from her evil sister. We make a plan to escape together after the Yule celebration, but even that falls victim to my legendary bad luck. Enter two bumbling pirates who were playing Robin Hood, a monkey, and a sea voyage to our permanent hiding place…only to trip over a bottle on the beach that contains a mysterious map to a legendary graveyard filled with famous treasure the moment we arrive. My spill draws the attention of our pirate friends and two other local hotties who can’t resist damsels in distress. Insert eyeroll here. My girl and I didn’t ask to be conscripted on an adventure with two shifter pirates, a masseuse, a demi-god, and a merman who think we’re on the menu, but here we are. Maybe I should have taken the Ice Queen’s musical advice when I first arrived ?
Author
Cassandra Featherstone has been writing since she could hold a pencil. She wrote her first story—about a girl picking strawberries—when she was three and has been creating worlds in her head ever since. After winning multiple awards for essays, poems, short stories and a very cheesy academy romance novel in high school, she was selected to attend the prestigious Governors School for the Arts in high school. Her love of the arts extends to instrumental (she plays three instruments and marched flute/piccolo for six years), dance (ten years of tap/jazz/ballet/tumbling), and vocal/acting (musical theater focus). She auditioned for many colleges but selected NYU for musical theater and lived in NYC for several years while she was in studio. After meeting her husband, she moved back to the Midwest and eventually had her one and only mini-me, affectionately known as the goblin. She has worked in many industries from banking to retail management and most recently, a decade in multiple positions at a indie bookstore until COVID-19 permanently closed her educational services department. Cassandra is passionate about literacy, but when she picked up her laptop to write her first published novel in March 2020, she decided to focus on subjects that not only spoke to her soul, but affected many of the women she’d met throughout her twisty life path. Bullying, PTSD, body dysmorphia, mental illness, reinvention, and claiming your space are always themes in her books, as well as a respectful, non-fetishized representation of LGBTQIA+ relationships. Her expansion of the reverse harem genre to include various types of polycules and diverse characters with three dimensional personalities, hopes, and dreams was less common when she first published, but to her delight, becoming a standard reader request in the current atmosphere. Because of her personal experiences in middle and high school, Cassandra is staunch defender of those who are targeted by those with actual or perceived power that attack those who don’t. She’s also known as the Muppet for her outrageous, extroverted personality and her wacky brand of theater kid social media posts and videos. Cassandra currently lives in the Midwest with her computer geek husband, artsy college goblin, and five cats that must have been spawned by Loki himself. Her works include sci-fi fantasy/urban fantasy, paranormal, humorous, and academy RH with characters over 18 and never include non-consensual elements.
