Keith's heart was pounding. Calm down, he thought. You're not robbing a bank. You're not kidnapping anybody. You're just painting a fish and chip shop orange. Keith is trying to cheer up his parents. But a pair of misery guts need more than a pot of Tropical Mango Hi-Gloss to make them happy. What they really need, Keith decides, is to live in Paradise. Trouble is, Paradise is halfway round the world. Even Keith Shipley is stumped by that one. Almost.

Dear Mum and Dad, This is just to let you know that I took the torch, the hammer, the gardening trowel, the plastic strainer, the chocolate biscuits and the stuff that's missing from the bathroom. So it's OK, you haven't been burgled. Please don't worry, things are looking better than I thought opal-wise. Love, KeithWhat does a kid do when his Mum and Dad are worry warts? Make them rich, decides Keith. Very, very rich. It's a brilliant plan–if it works.

'What section do you want to advertise in? Toys? Sporting Equipment? Computers and Video Games?'The woman in the newspaper office took off her glasses and polished them on her cardigan. 'What are you advertising?' 'My Parents,' said Keith. What does a kid do when his Mum and Dad are past it? Get them into shape, decides Keith. And find them new partners. It's a brilliant plan-but he'll need help.