Patrick Weasley, aka Weasel, is a fun-loving college student with a wealthy homophobic jerk stepfather and a best friend, Jake Winston, who’s just as gay as Weasel. When Jake’s aunt dies, many from the publishing world―including Jasper, Weasel’s weasel of a stepfather―gather at Winston Manor for the reading of the will, and Weasel is obligated to tag along. Turns out all he has to do is three 1) swap the wills so Jake’s uncle inherits the house instead of the gardener, who's also an old enemy of Weasel's; 2) secure a publishing contract from author Cecily Talbot; and 3) hook Jake up with his deceased aunt’s male nurse. But what he ends up doing is 1) falling for Tony, one of the food servers; 2) accidentally affiancing himself to Cecily; and 3) fighting with Jake, who thinks he was making a play for the nurse. To make matters worse, every time Weasel and Tony start to get intimate, Jasper is right around the corner. So when burglars come to steal a valuable piece of art, Weasel must 1) use all his ingenuity to keep the painting safe; 2) dis-engage himself from Cecily; 3) unite Jake with the nurse; and most importantly, 4) pursue Tony to an elusive happy ending.

Patrick “Weasel” Weasley is worried he’s not spending enough time with his new boyfriend Tony, now that they are living and working in different towns. He decides the best way to cement the relationship is to buy Tony a ring for Christmas. Unfortunately, Weasel's evil stepfather—a rat bastard if ever there was one—has cut him off without a cent, and he is left with no other choice. He must (gasp!) get a job! Weasel wouldn't mind working at the Phantom Lady Inn if it wasn't for Tony's ex-boyfriend Gates Stumpenhorst, who wants to beat the stuffing out of him, or Cicely Talbot, a writer who believes she can prove to Weasel that he's not really gay. As if that wasn’t enough, the deputy sheriff thinks Weasel is the local arsonist. Adding to their troubles is a rumored Phantom Lady haunting the inn and pilfering trinkets. With all this going on, Weasel might not live to survive Christmas, much less find time to go on a date with Tony!