I like drinking. I find that drinking makes me feel less alone. It also numbs the pain. Alcohol is an “old friend”…a trusted friend. However, the alcohol is taking a toll on my relationship with Bree. I’m beginning to notice a pattern. For years, I used alcohol, sex, and music to overcome the “bad feelings”. With the first few sips of alcohol comes an immediate sense of relief. It’s the only cure. There are times when the first few drinks to take the edge off feel so good. Instead of drinking a few, I drink way too much. When I drink too much, I become a different person…a person Bree does not recognize. In fact, I don’t want her to know that side of me. Keeping up with the drinking is terribly draining. It’s making Bree and me miserable. How can something that makes me feel so good make me feel so bad at the same time? To protect her, I have to do the unimaginable. She’s been through enough. She deserves better. Bree deserves a “Happily Ever After” even if I’m not part of it. I hate myself for what I’m about to do. I’m a failure. I’m a jerk. I’m a loser.