River has a plan. No goddamn clue how to execute that plan—not, like, in a step-by-step strategized way or whatnot—but that’s not gonna stop him from working it. THE PLAN: Turn himself gay, keep Rain from ever looking for his D-fix anywhere else, and the future will be golden. The only kink in it? Jared motherfucking Greene. Rain has a plan. Not exactly his strength, but since River’s decided they’re done with all the scientific sexperimentation shit now, he has to do something, right? THE PLAN: Get a gay sex coach, convince Riv there are still a fuck-ton of extradickular activities they need to test out together, and keep the twindom intact forever. The only kink in it? Jane the Certifiably Insane. TESTING THE WATERS is a long fall down a well-lubed twincest rabbit hole. River and Rain may think they’re just going to dip their toes in the dickalicious pool of gay exploration to test the waters, but honey, trust me: that thing is a whirlpool. It’s going to suck them in, spin them around like a Dead or Alive remix, then spit them out nine episodes later into a cum-drenched happily-ever-after of the totally taboo variety that will rock their whole damn world.