
In Stay Fit and Healthy Until You're Dead, Dave Barry says that fitness and vitality can be yours—provided you have the discipline, drive, and the plain old-fashioned guts required to procure the necessary steroids. This manual may help, too, but you'll just have to buy it and find out. Barry on executive fitness Today's top executives eat teeny meals and run 10 miles and play tennis and work out every day. Of course, they're so busy getting fit that many don't even know where their offices are. That's why the entire U.S. economy is now manufactured overseas. Barry on fitness after death A quick chill, to approximately 325 degrees below zero, yields a muscle tone that we normally associate only with world-class body builders and certain minerals! Barry on nutrition Every morning you should take a vitamin A pill, followed by a vitamin D, followed by an E, until you've spelled the healthful mnemonic phrase: "A DEAD CAD BAKED A BAD CAKE, ACE." And eat all the fiber-rich foods you can shove down your throat; these would be mainly your cotton candy and your Slim Jims. Barry on junk foods White bread and refined sugar, if eaten, cause death within hours. So it's important to watch what you eat, at least until you get it inside your mouth. After that it becomes pretty disgusting.
Author

Dave Barry is a humor writer. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened. Dave has also written many books, virtually none of which contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave. Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll. In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets. Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.