John Goode is a member of the class of '88 from Hogwarts school of wizardry, specializing in incantations and spoken spells. At the age of 14 he proudly represented District 13 in the 65th Panem games where he was disqualified for crying uncontrollably before the competition began. After that he moved to Forks, Washington where, against all odds, dated the hot, incredibly approachable werewolf instead of the stuck up jerk of a vampire but was crushed when he found out the werewolf was actually gayer than he was. After that he turned down the mandatory operation everyone must receive at 16 to become pretty citing that everyone pretty were just too stupid to live before moving away for greener pastures. After falling down an oddly large rabbit hole he became huge when his love for cakes combined with his inability to resist what sparsely worded notes commanded and was finally kicked out when he began playing solitaire with the Red Queen's 4th armored division. By 18 he had found the land in the back of his wardrobe but decided that thinly veiled religious allegories where not the neighbors he desired. When last seen he had become obsessed with growing a pair of wings after becoming obsessed with Fang's blog and hasn't been seen since. Or he is this guy who lives in this place and writes stuff he hopes you read.

Robert Halliwell hails from the mysterious land of Ronkonkoma in the Island of Long and grew up dreaming of the day the dark, handsome Mediterranean prince of his dreams would whisk him away from the boring life he was accustomed to and to a land far, far away… from his mother. A magical place full of roller skates and rainbows called Xanadu. Unfortunately, that never happened, but he was instead whisked away to the dark kingdom of Florida and the “prince” turned out to be a very pale country bumpkin from Schenectady. Yes, it’s a real place. When he’s not spending the day writing, Robert can be found at home taking care of his two-legged daughter and four-legged furry children whilst viewing unhealthy amounts of QVC, much to the dismay of his husband, Kevin. Robert is still waiting for Lynda Carter to sign the adoption papers he sent her in 1998.