Books in series
#1
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists
2004
Not since Moby-Dick... No, not since Treasure Island... Actually, not since Jonah and the Whale has there been a sea saga to rival The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists, featuring the greatest sea-faring hero of all time, the immortal Pirate Captain, who, although he lives for months at a time at sea, somehow manages to keep his beard silky and in good condition.
Worried that his pirates are growing bored with a life of winking at pretty native ladies and trying to stick enough jellyfish together to make a bouncy castle, the Pirate Captain decides it's high time to spearhead an adventure.
While searching for some major pirate booty, he mistakenly attacks the young Charles Darwin's Beagle and then leads his ragtag crew from the exotic Galapagos Islands to the fog-filled streets of Victorian London. There they encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, radioactive elephants, and the Holy Ghost himself. And that's not even the half of it.
#2
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab
2005
They’re back!!! The Pirate Captain and his irascible crew of scoundrels return in their soggiest saga yet.Fresh from their mishaps with Charles Darwin and the evil Bishop of Oxford, the Pirates set sail in a bouncy new vessel——purchased on credit. In order to repay his debts, the Pirate Captain is determined to capture the enigmatic White Whale, hunted by the notoriously moody Ahab, who has promised a reward.Chaos ensues, featuring the lascivious Cutlass Liz, the world’s most dangerous mosquito, an excerpt from the Pirate Captain’s novel in progress (a bodice ripper, of course), whale ventriloquism, practical lessons in whale painting, a shanty-singing contest in a Las Vegas casino, and a dra-matic climax in which the Pirate Captain’s prize ham saves the day!Move over, Herman Melville.
#3
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists
2006
London, 1840: Wagner’s latest opera plays to packed houses while disgruntled workers gather in crowded pubs to eat ice cream and plan the downfall of the bourgeoisie. And the Pirate Captain––his disguise proving something of a letdown––finds himself incarcerated at Scotland Yard, in a case of mistaken identity.
Discovering that his doppelgänger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot that involves a red-eyed monster, stolen waxworks, and a sack of pretend kittens.
From the gloomy streets of Soho to the leafy boulevards of Paris, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists is a story of intellectual giants, enormous beards, volcanoes and valkyries, doubloons and dancing girls, and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.
This volume also includes, at no additional charge, The Wit and Wisdom of the Pirate Captain––a Major Philosophical Work
On the Matter of
If you’re off to fight in a battle, snap a ship’s biscuit in half and give your girlfriend the other half. When you meet again, they will match––like two halves of a single soul! Hopefully, this will stop her sleeping with other men.
On the Question of Gravy
It is my opinion that the best way to get gravy stains out of cotton or wool is to soak the fabric in vinegar for half an hour... If this doesn’t work, try burning the gravy off with a match or getting a hungry dog to lick it off.
On Life in
Life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, then there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.
#4
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Napoleon
A Novel
2008
Bruised from a crushing disappointment at the Pirate of the Year Awards, the Pirate Captain decides that perhaps it's time for a career change. Before long, his loyal crew, much to their dismay, find themselves en route to St Helena - and facing the recently deposed Napoleon Bonaparte. This is the fourth Pirates! book in a successful series.
#5
The Pirates!
In an Adventure with the Romantics
2012
Book by Gideon Defoe
Author
Gideon Defoe
Author · 8 books
Gideon Defoe never meant to become an author. When Defoe bumped into a woman he had pursued during his time studying archaeology and anthropology at Oxford, they began chatting about what they were up to. Realising that his job temping for Westminster council was not going to win him any romantic points, he told her that he was writing a novel. She asked to see it, at which point he found that he really was writing a novel. His manuscript was originally circulated among friends, who photocopied it and passed it on until, eventually, it fell into the hands of a literary agent. He was raised by his mother in the south of England. His late father wrote thrillers that featured a lot of sexy Russian spies seducing middle-aged men uncannily like him. His mother says he is a direct descendant of Daniel Defoe. He says he won't be convinced until he has seen the family tree.
