Nope. Nada. Not gonna be able to do it! That's what I thought three months ago. One month of disastrous blind dates, horrible setups, the worst day at work, and a double date where all parties involved expected me to pick up the tab had me trying "something new". I'm still reeling from the expectation that I was going to pay for three other adults' meals. Online dating had to be safer. At least, on the app, I could weed out some of the crazies beforehand. I could definitely check to see if the person could pay for their own meal. First match? Braxton Masters. My first thought is I'm being catfished or something. There's no way one of the most famous faces in football is on a dating app. First date jitters are trumped by the annoyance of someone trying to pull a fast one. I'm out to settle a score. Until the real him walks in and the woman I hired to play me throws a drink in his face. She then slaps him hard enough to have it echo around the empty restaurant. There's an unforgettable first impression. Now what do I do?