From the gloriously rude "Unfortunate names for race horses" to "Unlikely personal ads" and lines that (sadly) never appeared in the Harry Potter books, "Mock the Week: Scenes We'd Like to See" is the fastest, funniest read of the year: a bumper book of all-new, razor-sharp one-liners, including: UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: No rabbits were harmed during the testing of this product - but the rats were less lucky. UNSUCCESSFUL JOB APPLICATIONS: I am both lazy and a miserable git. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Happy New Breasts! FIRST-DRAFT LINES FROM GREAT NOVELS: Alice was beginning to get very bored of sitting by her sister on the riverbank, so she checked no one was around, hit her with a stone, and pushed her into the water. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: 9 Across - Rip van Winkle's name (3, 3, 6) REJECTED EXAM QUESTIONS: List your most sordid desires. UNLIKELY HOROSCOPES: You will go to your bedroom window and stand there naked for a minute, you will do this especially if your name is Mrs Hughes and you live at 56, The Avenue, Clapham... around 3.30 would be best for me.