Guido and Nunzio may not be the brightest bodyguards in the world - but they certainly are faithful. When Skeeve "the Great" asks them to join the army of Possiltum, the two thugs volunteer without question... Except: Whose side are they on? Queen Hemlock's? The Mob's Fairy Godfather's? Skeeve's? The two baffled bodyguards barely have time to figure it all out - they've been handed government-issue crossbows, armored with leather skirts, and given combat orders by the dreaded drill sergeant Smiley! With war heroes like these...who needs enemies?