Mab is an unemployed feminist blogger with a philosophy degree, a deathly allergy to bee stings, and the real-world experience of a domestic rabbit. When Portland, Oregon is evacuated, no one thinks to look for her in her unlabeled apartment. She can still get news from the outside world for days. All the news is bad. The planetary Tarantella dance has started, and the world is shaking itself apart. Volcanoes and earthquakes abound. Taking stock of her supplies, she finds that her best survival gear includes a 49cc moped and clothing that wouldn't keep a chihuahua warm in a Florida winter. Left alone in the city, Mab fumbles along and documents her post-apocalypse adventures through the lens of mankind's greatest coping mechanism: Inappropriate humor. She learns from experience as she misinterprets survival tips, battles wild geese, steals cars, befriends a dog, and discovers the difference between instinct and cultural training. When Mab learns of a geologically stable place in Canada, she leaves Portland behind. Vet, the world's dumbest remaining dog, goes with her, and while they try to navigate the wilderness, mountains become volcanoes. Strangers become bandits. Mab wasn't prepared for this, but she writes the book on how to improvise in case of apocalypse.

Colt, Janie, and Damien were planning a weekend at Zed Games when the real apocalypse canceled their trip. Now the planet is trying to kill them. Evacuation by plane is less than successful. The Piper goes down. They survive, stranded somewhere up the East Coast with all the gear they could ask for but no idea where to go, and natural disasters erupting in every direction. Colt never saw himself as a leader. Now his friends are turning to him to make decisions, but he can't be sure of his answers. He's used to having one foot in two worlds—a Cherokee living in Asheville, three-quarters nerd and one-sixteenth responsible adult—but never in charge. Now he feels the pressure to keep his friends alive while the planet is dying. Janie, a librarian, and Damien, jack of all trades, have some skills between them, but it may not be enough. Scraping from one disaster to the next, Colt and his friends encounter Mab, a punky survivor on her way back to a safe haven in the Canadian wilderness. She invites them to tag along. Recruiting some horses from an abandoned farm, Colt, Janie, and Damien charge into the post-civilized unknown.