Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Meet Florence: “I’ve done this before, looking for a partner or soul mate or someone-to-grow-to-love, and you know what? I’m done with that. Honestly: I’m just looking for some casual sex. A one-night stand. Specifically, during December, because it's a weird season.” She’s shallow: “I don’t respond to creeps, children, married men, or fat people. Sorry. I am that shallow. I might consider couples, if you’re both fit and cute. (Shallow. Really shallow. I’m not kidding about that.)” She’s really that shallow: “You’re not teasing about the hair? I can do bald, but only if it comes with killer abs.” This is Will: “I’m reeling from a recent divorce and incapable of having a meaningful relationship. The only upside to my situation is that after fifteen years of monogamy I get to chase all the strange I want.” Will has plans: In his head, she was already naked. Was she going to be covered with freckles? Fuck, yes—freckles everywhere. He would find every single one. Did I mention, Will has plans? “See, I’ve only known you for five minutes, and I already know you like to be in control. We’re going to change that.” Florence likes him: “You’re very sweet. And cute. Totally as advertised. Fit. Hair. Also, as tall as your profile said, which is a bonus. Do you know that almost all men on dating sites lie about their height? They add two inches. And not just to their c—s. Seriously.” But it’s not going to work out: “You’re sweet. But it’s not gong to work out. I already know.” Or is it? Messy Christmas, Episode One The Challenge - Friday, December 1 The Challenger - Sunday, December 3 One Night Stand Gone Wrong - Wednesday, December 6 Panties, Penises & Bank Vaults - Thursday, December 7 The Negotiation - Monday, December 11 Cute, Fab in The Sack, Not Interested, Also, Psychic - Friday, December 15 Routine To The Rescue, Sort of - Monday, December 18 Methadone Fail - Monday, December 18, continued In Case You Missed It The First Time: Christmas Sucks When You're Divorced - Tuesday, December 19 Lies, Groceries & Plans: Thursday, December 21 Fake Christmas Eve Fails & Victories: Saturday, December 23 + Su

Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Meet “I’ve done this before, looking for a partner or soul mate or someone-to-grow-to-love, and you know what? I’m done with that. Honestly. I’m just looking for some casual sex. A one night stand. Specifically, during December, because it’s a weird season.” She’s “I don’t respond to creeps, children, married men, or fat people. Sorry. I am that shallow. I might consider couples, if you’re both fit and cute. (Shallow. Really shallow. I’m not kidding about that.)” She really is that “You’re not teasing about the hair? I can do bald, but only if it comes with killer abs.” This is “I’m reeling from a recent divorce and incapable of having a meaningful relationship. The only upside to my situation is that after fifteen years of monogamy I get to chase all the strange I want.” Will has In this head, she was already naked. Was she going to be covered with freckles? God, yes—freckles everywhere. He would find every single one. Did I mention, Will has plans? “See, I’ve only known you for five minutes, and I already know you like to be in control. We’re going to change that.” Florence likes “You’re very sweet. And cute. Totally as advertised. Fit. Hair. Also, as tall as your profile said, which is a bonus. Do you know that almost all men on dating sites like about their height? They add two inches. And not just to their… you-know-what’s. Seriously.” But it’s not going to work “You’re so sweet. So hot. But it’s not going to work out. I already know.” Or is it? Delayed Valentine is the second novella in the TEXT ME, CUPID a steamy love story in four episodes, featuring a hero and heroine with a painful past, a complicated present, and... well... what’s going to happen in their future? Experience their unique, hilarious, and heart-wrenching love story through 2018 with MESSY CHRISTMAS (December 2017), DELAYED VALENTINE (February 2018), BITTERSWEET HALLOWEEN (August 2018), and SAVING CHRISTMAS (November 2018). The full TEXT ME, CUPID novel, in print, audio and ebook format—is coming December 2018.

Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Experience their unique, hilarious, and heart-wrenching love story in the four episodes of Text Me, Cupid: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults. In Episode 3: Bittersweet Halloween, Will comes back to town after four months away, and all he wants is Florence. Florence is almost ready for a relationship. Sort of. Kind of. Maybe? But she’s got issues. Florence Gunn: Tomorrow? Will Ornot: Tomorrow. Excited? Florence Gunn: Maybe. Will Ornot: You’re such a bitch. Admit you’re excited. Florence Gunn: I said, maybe. Will Ornot: Tell me you missed me. Florence Gunn: How could I miss you? We texted every single day. Will Ornot: not every single day Florence Gunn: Every. Single. Day. Will Ornot: Florence? Florence Gunn: Will? Will Ornot: Would it kill you to admit that a) this is a relationship and b) you missed me and c) you’re excited that I’m coming home tomorrow? Florence Gunn: Suppose it does? Is that a risk you’re willing to take? Will Ornot: WTF? Florence Gunn: Suppose it does kill me to admit that a) this is a relationship and b) I missed you and c) I’m excited that you’re coming home tomorrow? Is that a risk you’re willing to take? Will Ornot: :) Will Ornot: I saw what you did there. Will they get their happy ending? Damn straight. This is a romance, after all. But first—they will make each other suffer, and drive Cupid crazy.

Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Experience their unique, hilarious, and heart-wrenching love story in the four episodes of Text Me, Cupid: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults. In Episode 4: Saving Christmas, Will wants commitment. Florence wants... freedom. Is anybody going to get what they want for Christmas? (Spoiler alert: it’s a romance, baby! Everybody gets a happy ending.) iwillornot: Hey there, Songbird. What’s cooking? notanightingale: Why are you messaging me on OKC? iwillornot: Why is your OKC profile still up? notanightingale: Why is yours and why are you on it? iwillornot: Jealous? notanightingale: Are you? iwillornot: Livid. I’m not having sex with you for six weeks as punishment. FYI. … iwillornot: But seriously, why is your OKC profile still up? notanightingale: But seriously, why is someone whose OKC profile still up asking me this question? iwillornot: I went on the app to disable it, actually. So I’m not one of those assholes not responding to messages from gorgeous but desperate women. Because I’m in a relationship. With a gorgeous-not-desperate woman I adore. iwillornot: And then I thought if you hadn’t de-activated yours, I’d send you a message through it… because—do you know what today is? notanightingale: Oh, Will. I do—now. But I forgot. Our first text-anniversary. That’s so sweet. iwillornot: It was supposed to be sweet. And now we’re fighting over why we’re leaving our options open. notanightingale: Is that what we’re doing? iwillornot: Yes. notanightingale: Don’t worry. We’ll have sex and make up. iwillornot: I told you, no sex for six weeks. notanightingale: You won’t make it. iwillornot: Watch me. Will of Iron, that’s what they call me. notanightingale: Will of Iron, does that mean I should bring a puzzle or a board game or something to amuse myself Wednesday night? iwillornot: I was thinking, I’m gonna tie you up, and watch terrible porn, and jack off while you lay there, not having sex. notanightingale: You are the most romantic man in the whole entire world. iwillornot: I try. notanightingale: See you Wednesday. Don’t forget to pick up some rope after work. iwillornot: Aren’t you going to provide that? notanightingale: I’m bringing the board game. As Plan B. In case you don’t know how to tie knots. iwillornot: Oh, baby. You should see the things I can do with knots. … iwillornot: But seriously, Florence, are you going to disable your profile?