When Alice’s mom calls her the day before her twenty-seventh birthday, claiming anything she puts inside herself after midnight will turn into a human, what does Alice do? Shoves a ruler up there, of course. Now Alice has to learn to live with her new boyfriend, Gage, who’s hung like a ruler and likes to measure stuff.

Alice is nothing if not accommodating. So when her new ruler—like the “measuring” kind, not the “is in charge of stuff” kind—boyfriend, Gage, asks her to give life to his “best friend” from the junk drawer, she does what any reasonable girlfriend would she shoves a marker inside herself and lets it move in with her. Now Alice and Gage have to learn to live with their new boyfriend Marc, whose sharp wit and penchant for drawing on stuff might get them all in a bit of trouble.

A Sentient Calculator Watch Romance Diana is living her best life—at least that’s what she tells people. But when her boyfriend Ken decides to move to California without her, she has to scramble to find another hot blond to drag to her high school reunion. Lucky for her, she can materialize a lover from anything she shoves inside herself. And that’s where Abby comes in. Well, goes in… Now Diana has exactly a week to get this calculator-watch-turned-man in tick-tock shape, or she’s going to be, like, super embarrassed.